Happy marriages rarely end in divorce. Still, the end of a relationship is a loss that can come with its own kind of grief. You might be feeling a complicated mix of relief, anger, resentment, sadness, jealousy, and hope.
You’re going through an adjustment period during which your life will radically change. Take this time to focus on yourself and give yourself the space to grow emotionally. Try to view the end of your relationship as an opportunity to begin living the best version of your life.
Accepting the marriage has ended and allowing yourself to feel these feelings is the first step toward your new chapter.
Prioritize self-care.
Now that you’ve got time to yourself, make a list of the ways you’ll no longer neglect your body and mind. Take a cycling class. Cook gourmet meals for self-date nights. Read all the trashy novels your heart desires.
And as with any grieving process, make sure you’re sleeping enough and eating healthy. It’s possible your relationship was giving you chronic stress. Now is the time to focus on what your body needs. When you keep up with your physical health, emotional health will follow.
Take up a new hobby (or rediscover an old one).
Have you always wanted to take up pottery, but your ex said you had enough clutter around the
house? Did you set aside any crafts to make room for your ex, your relationship, or your family?
Give yourself the pleasure of a new hobby. It’ll add new fun to your daily routine. Starting something new will also keep you from mulling over regrets and dwelling on the loss of the relationship.
Develop a co-parenting plan.
If you have children with your ex, they should always come first. If you’re finalizing a high-conflict divorce, make your arrangements with a mediator or another professional. Keep in mind that complicated parenting arrangements are confusing and could lead to violations and more arguments.
Try to keep things simple and streamlined. Remember that you’ll both be involved with your children for the rest of your lives, so it’s best to collaborate. It might be hard now, but putting aside your resentment and differences in the interest of maintaining stability for your children is the most important.
Avoid trying to get back together.
You might be afraid of facing life newly alone. But that doesn’t mean hanging on to your ex in desperation is the correct solution. It’s not easy to adjust to this new relationship with your ex. All the ways you defined it previously need to be rewritten.
It’s important that you start viewing your ex in a new light where they’re at a distance. If you don’t have kids together, you should have a period of zero contact between you. Give yourself the space you need to sever the relationship.
Avoid rushing into a new relationship.
Similarly, don’t hurry to find someone else to replace your ex. Even though it can be frightening, this time alone is precious, and you may one day miss it. Embrace solitude.
New loves will come in time, and these relationships will be more successful if you’ve grown the way you need to. Avoid making comparisons between you and your ex if they’ve got someone new. Process on your own timeline. It’s not a race to see who can get over the other quicker.
Moving forward...
Take charge of your emotional growth. Don’t be afraid to lean on friends and family during this time of change. You may also find you can rekindle relationships you may have let go by the wayside. If you notice yourself getting stuck on certain negative emotions, it might be time to process your divorce with a therapist.
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