Everybody has their preferences in life. We have preferences for the food that we eat, the clothes that we wear, and the hobbies that we enjoy. We enjoy this thing or that thing, but definitely not that thing. It's amazing to think about humans and our wide variety of opinions and preferences. In fact, you will likely never find two people with the same exact preferences across the board. This can be amazing but also something that can cause disagreements and tensions.
The people we date or spend time with are no exception. Some people don't know what they want and just follow the flow. However, many people at least have somewhat of an idea of the ideals and values they would like to see in their partner.
Then, some seem so particular that you can't help but wonder, will they ever find someone who meets their standards? Or, maybe you are curious if you are being too picky...but, is that a bad thing?
Being Picky, In Itself, Isn't Bad
First, let's start here. Just because you have preferences in who you want to date or see yourself with does not mean that you are being too picky. You may have non-negotiables related to your faith, having children someday, or where you live. You might place value in dating someone who is into the same hobbies as you. Maybe you have had past partners and you realize that certain things just didn't work for you. Maybe they valued working excessively over spending time with you. Or, it might have felt like they never wanted to open up and talk to you about deeper issues in their life.
Knowing what you want out of a relationship while you are single can help you pinpoint what you don't want in a relationship. You don't want to waste your time with people who you just aren't going to mesh well with, right? When you have your preferences, there is nothing wrong with sticking to your preferences about the big things in life that are important to you.
But, at some point, there is a downside to this.
Sometimes, You Can Be Too Particular
The big things in life really matter. You want to ensure you are with someone who values the same things you do. However, there are people out there who can sometimes take things too far. They call them having high standards for a reason. In movies and television shows, we are often inundated with perfect characters who are the perfect partner. They just seem to have it all. They have the perfect look, dress impeccably well at all times, and they are downright hilarious. While we see them make mistakes, it's often glossed over for the purpose of a movie.
At times, these portrayals can create unrealistic expectations. In real life, there can be an expectation that someone is perfect. They won't ever slip up and say the wrong thing. They won't ever behave in any way we don't approve of. Reality, unfortunately, isn't like that. One of the biggest things people expect is perfection from our partners, and that just doesn't happen. You are human and make mistakes, right? Give your partners the same grace and understanding.
Another thing people expect out of relationships that isn't accurate is that you have to be in constant agreement with your partner. You are going to have differing viewpoints on politics, for instance. As long as you are being respectful towards your partner, you don't have to agree with it, but there's certainly nothing wrong with seeing things differently.
Finally, another thing that people often are too picky about in a relationship is that it won't be a good match if there isn't instant chemistry. Deep and meaningful connections take time to fully develop, so you shouldn't feel disheartened if you don't immediately feel a deep connection with someone.
If you are ready to figure out what it is you want out of a partner, or how to move forward in a relationship, don't hesitate to reach out to learn more about counseling for women.
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