Communication is important in a relationship. Most often, a lack of communication between partners ends up causing conflict and tension within the relationship.
Despite what movies and television show, relationships and marriage take a lot of work. It isn't always romance and bonding. It can be challenging, stressful, and downright argumentative at times.
So when you are in a relationship with someone and they are avoidant, it can feel very frustrating to try and deal with this. Reaching closeness in a relationship involves more than just sexual intimacy. It needs to also involve emotional connection as well. As the other partner, you crave intimacy and connection with them, but how can you get them to communicate better to reach this?
What Is Avoidance?
With every relationship, there needs to be a balance with a variety of areas. You want to feel close with your partner, but still have your own independence.
They, on the other hand, seem to want to avoid communicating with you all together. To make it even worse, it seems as if they don't crave the emotional connection with you, in return.
Signs Of Avoidance
If you aren't sure if your partner is avoidant or not, here are some tell-tale signs that they are.
They avoid physical touch or eye contact
Extreme independence
They don't like being relied on or relying on others
Being shy when it comes to emotional and physical intimacy
How To Communicate With Your Partner
If any of the above feels familiar to your relationship, you may be worried that there is no way to improve this. Fortunately, with most situations in a relationship, they can improve - but it will require work on both sides.
1. Understand It's Not Always You
If they grew up in a household that was not emotionally supportive, they may not fully understand the importance of communication in a relationship. We all carry baggage from our past, so it's understandable if they are not aware on why avoidance is an issue. To them, it is normal.
2. Be Realistic
One of the most important things to do in a relationship is to understand that you both have different histories. Past relationships, or a childhood upbringing, can cause avoidant communication. It could be a defense mechanism so they don't get hurt or feel too vulnerable.
3. It May Not Have Anything To Do With You
We all go through things that affect other areas of our life. We are human after all, and nothing in life is rarely perfect. While it is tempting to blame ourselves for avoidance tactics, this isn't always the case.
Before you place blame on yourself, go into the situation understanding there could be more going on.
4. Balance Each Other's Needs
You both have needs and wants that need to be met by one another. So in cases where your attachment and communication styles are different, it still is important to get on the same page as each other.
Begin by having a conversation about these things. It's hard to have a conversation that you really don't want to, but in order to have balance in the relationship, you have to start somewhere.
Compromise Is Everything In A Relationship
Balancing each other's needs and wants in a relationship is challenging enough. But when you have completely different styles of communication, or lack thereof, it can really test your relationship.
There are ways to work together to assure that this doesn't cause future tension or stress. But one of the best ways you can help this situation is by working with a couples counselor who is trained to help in this type of scenario.
While it might be challenging to convince them to attend couples counseling, it could be the very best thing you do for your relationship. Reach out to me to get started.
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